The night Spain ruined pizza

     Moving abroad has its share of challenges. In Spain, for example,  most apartments don't come with dryers or air conditioning. Totally cool, I'm fine with that. Just don't use a comforter and leave your wash out for three days until its starting to sprout. I can deal. One thing that definitely doesn't suck about Spain is that the food is fantastic and super cheap. You can get a mini beer and a plate of paella for 2 euros down the street, and a weeks worth of groceries for 20. Not bad at all. But one thing I have been missing is pizza.
     I'm going on record now to say that pizza is the perfect food. It's portable, deliverable, can be folded, cut into squares, reheated, eaten cold. It's cheap and has a high calorie count,which makes it ideal for starving college kids. You've got the whole food pyramid hidden in its layers of cheese, tomato sauce, pepperoni, and crust. It's beautiful really.
     So last night I started going into withdrawals thinking of that greasy perfection that I had gone nearly a week and a half without. I decided to take a run at a frozen pizza from the mercado down the street. After spending exactly 18 minutes trying to understand the three strange flavors they had in the frozen food aisle I decided to go with Atun y Bacon. Being that bacon was the only ingredient I recognized, I snagged it and a bottle of vino and headed back.

     With two episodes of Breaking Bad on my laptop, my roommate out for the night and a pizza in the oven I was good to go. Soon my lust would be quenched and I would fall into that zone of greasy comfort that one experiences post pizza guzzling.
     Suddenly a smell began to waft its way into the living room. A pungent, thick smell. A fishy smell.
     I cautiously entered the kitchen and closed the window to the courtyard outside, thinking some awful paella related food disaster had drifted in. But the smell grew stronger. I sniffed the trash, the sink, the fridge.
    Then I opened the door of the oven and out came the horrific burnt fish smell. I turned off the heat and rushed to my computer to find out exactly what the hell was on my pizza.
    Atun. Tuna. I had bought a bacon, and tuna, pizza.
    I wanted to rush down to the market and demand my money back. I wanted to explain to them that there was a reason most photos of pizza show the simple but elegant relationship of pepperoni and cheese. You don't mess with a classic. But they were closed and my stomach was growling menacingly.
     So when I got over the initial shock I tried it. I really did. I sliced a piece off and gingerly tested it...and it came right back up. This was no freshly caught tuna but dehydrated, grated tuna, with a sickly grayish color. I felt defeated. And hungry. Mostly still hungry. So I did the only thing I knew. I scraped off the cheese, bacon, and tuna, and doused the sad looking pile of dough and tomato sauce in front of me with balsamic vin to cover up the smell.
    When this farce of what was supposed to be a gluttonous feast was over I donned a hazmat suit and deposited the tortured remains of my meal into the trash outside.
   
    I rinsed my mouth out with a heady dose of red wine and lay down to a comfortless sleep. It was  the night Spain ruined pizza.